I saw a woman die tonight.

It's late now, almost 2:00 am. I feel sad and heavy, from head to toe.

This evening, as I was driving with a friend to a bar, I saw a woman who had been hit by a van going nearly 60mph. When I came across the accident, the woman was laying alone in the street. Her body was twisted. She had blood coming from her mouth and ears. There was a lot of blood on the street under her head.

The woman appeared to have been attempting to cross in the middle of the street. Her groceries were scattered between where she lay, and where she'd been hit-- a distance of approximately 100 feet.

I held her hand the whole time I was there, waiting for an ambulance. Her pulse was thready, she couldn't breathe and there was nothing I could do about it. That is what saddens me most. I battled with myself throughout the ordeal. Do I attempt to turn her head and clear the blood from her mouth to breathe for her? No. Her neck was most likely broken. I could kill her just by trying to help her. But if I don't, she may die anyway. She needed to be intubated. No one around had the necessary tools to safely get an airway.

People were rubbernecking while the ambulance was trying to get through. I yelled at them and motioned emphatically to move so they could reach her.

I held her hand until the paramedics arrived. When they got there, she'd already been without oxygen for four or five minutes. Her lips were blue. She no longer had a pulse.

I said a little prayer and left the paramedics to their job.

I will never forget her face. I know there was nothing I could do... But I still feel heavy inside... Maybe I should have attempted CPR?

I feel terrible for her family.

I guess I'm writing this now because I can't think of anything else but the accident.
I'm also writing this because I'm hoping that someone will read it, and maybe think about the way they drive... Or the way they live.
Do you drive too fast? Change lanes without signaling? Drive while talking on your cell phone?
Do you try to cross busy streets against the light?
Have you been angry with someone for a long time?
Maybe it's time to call your grandmother and tell her how much you love her.
My life is changed forever. I will savor each and every day I have left in this life.

I will be extra careful while driving. I will make a point to respect everyone I interact with, no matter how irritated I am.
...That person is someone's mother, sister, brother... Father. That person is loved and needed by someone else. I've heard countless stories of near misses, close calls... People who have lost loved ones... Cancer survivors... The things they all say always registered on some level, but not as profoundly as they have this evening. I know now, with every fiber of my being, that life is fragile and precious, that it can be gone in an instant... It is too short for anger, hatred, grudges.

Yes, my life is changed forever.